Life after divorce

No one enters into marriage planning a divorce, at least no one I know. When the marriage doesn’t work individuals are left with hurt feeling, probably bitter, and feeling war torn. But how long should those feeling last, and should you let these feeling influence your attitude towards future relationships and the institution of marriage itself?
I think if you are that person who has been so damaged by the divorce process that you can no longer trust another, therapy may be needed. Everyone is different, and the fact that your marriage did not work is not a reflection of the process or institution itself, it’s a reflection of you and the individual you were married to. Marriage as an institution is a beautiful thing; it’s about two people loving each other, committing to each and taking care of each other. Yes, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but again this is not because marriage as a concept is bad. I will concede that the court system is screwed up, the lawyers are on the take and the spurned ex spouses are hell, BUT the system only does what we ask it to do, lawyers work for us and not the other way around. We ultimately control the direction that our divorce process takes. We make the decision on how much we want to fight and what we think is worth fighting for.
You must look at yourself and ask, what was my contribution to my failed marriage and divorce? It take two, there are two sides to the story and each will tell it differently. Only after facing the reality of your shortcoming and the reality that issues are a part of life and marriage can you be healed to move one to the next phase. So don’t let your passion and emotional health be destroyed by this one event in your life….life is too short to be spent being bitter. Staying angry hurts you, not the person you are divorced from. As a matter of fact, the ex-spouse has won if he or she has succeeded at keeping you angry and keeps you away for developing and maintaining a new caring and loving relationship; that’s exactly what they don’t want you to have as you move on with your life.
I say live life to the fullest, move on from your divorce and let yourself love again!

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  1. Could it be that after divorce some people just choose to love just without the high stakes contractual agreement created with “Marriage.”
    I agree that marriage is a social institution that brings a man and a woman together as husband and wife to be father and mother to any children their union produces. It is an institution that benefits society in a way no other relationship does but it’s basis is more about procreation and bringing up children than it is about adults. In other words, once the responsibilities of the children are being or have been taken care of then what’s the purpose of marriage after divorce? Are there some people who find it hard to love, trust, blah, blah, etc. Sure there are those who take time to heal. There are also those who see it as an emotional bond with legal privileges. And those people can’t, won’t, don’t see the purpose of going down that dusty road again even when they really find that someone they think is special!

    • Thanks for your response Jorge. Just my opinion again…marriage is not about the children! This is where many go wrong, marriage is about two adults coming together, the children are actually quite secondary. The bond between man and wife should be the strongest of all in the home, not even the children should penetrate that, and they should know that they are not primary. Many couples fail due to the false notion that marriage is about the children.
      Jorge, your response also lead me to believe that I may have hit a raw nerve, and I hope in time you will heal from whatever wounds you might have been inflicted.
      I do hope too that you will find that special someone to love and cherish.


  2. Elbert Johnson says:

    You make the point “The bond between man and wife should be the strongest of all in the home, not even the children should penetrate that, and they should know that they are not primary.” This is such an important point because the foundation of a great family is a loving husband and wife. When the foundation is strong, children are strong. The best example for children for how to live a great life is seeing their parents live a great life. And the love between that man and woman sets the tone and leads to a great life. Thanks for soem terrific insight itechpru.

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